The Wounded Heart

I'm reading

 

The Wounded Heart.

It's a book about dealing with past sexual abuse in a Christian focus.  I've started and stopped this book so many times, I've lost count.   I'll get a few pages into it and I'll read something that hits so close to home I have to stop.

I decided to give it another shot, only this time my mentor is reading it with me.  Kind of an accountability thing and to help me with perspective on what I read.  It's helping because I aim to finish this book.

I don't really know what I expect from it.

I know I need to make peace with what happened to me.   I know I need to make peace with God.   Just writing this and I struggle with just typing the sentence, "I was sexually abused," knowing I might be posting it out there fills me with fear and shame.   I've spent so much time minimizing what happened instead of grieving and facing it.  I let my circumstances define me.

I don't expect one book to fix everything.  But it's more of a start than just acting like it was no big deal.  Like it didn't damage me.

So, like I said, I'm starting the book again with my mentor.   I'll be writing about things I learn and feel while reading this book from time to time.   So look out! :)

There's so much more I want to put in here, but it feels very disorganized.   I'll collect my thoughts and start working them up into their own posts.   I swear all these posts won't be total bummers or all baby stuff! :)

On a slightly side note, I purchased a used copy for my mentor to have as he reads with me. I found this inscription inside the front cover:

"To Josh-with all my love & prayers. May grace, guidance, love, protection, wisdom, peace, blessings, and favor from our heavenly Father be poured out on you daily.  May He heal your hurts and restore you to wholeness.   Love always & forever, Mom."

I don't have the first clue who Josh is or where he is.   What prompted him to let go of the book?  Did he learn all he could and wanted to pass it on?   Did it help?  All I know is that sounds like a powerful prayer.   If he received even a tenth of all that, Josh was a blessed man.

I know I could use a prayer like that.  We all could.