Winner Winner CHicken Dinner

At some point last year I became somewhat obsessed with entering contests. Any contest I came across I would throw my name into the hat. I used to ignore them, always thinking that other people won contests, or that they were rigged, or that I'm cursed and would never win anything anyways. But somebody's gotta win these things, right? I can't really explain what changed, but I entered one and then another, and another, so on and so forth. I think it was winning one that fed what is probably an obsession by now. Trying to remember which one started it all, but the reality is that I enter so many now, it's hard to keep track.

Now this isn't one of those "look at how cool I am I win things and you don't" kind of thing! I really NEVER expect to win anything. When I do, it's always a great surprise and blessing. Our family has been able to experience a lot of great things that we otherwise would not be able to afford. I've been blessed with discounts at hotels, iTunes cards, some clothes, tickets to lots of musicals and symphonies, etc. We really do see these as different ways that God has blessed us and that these come from Him.

Many people have told me that it's luck, but I don't really agree. I don't win WAY more than I do. I don't believe the luck thing because there is one prize that I have been hustling hard for over the past year with no results.

And that is the iPad. I won't write about what an iPad is because I am confident that the marketing and PR department at Apple have done an adequate enough job so that not only do you know what I am writing about, but you also feel the gadget lust for one. Or maybe you're reading this on one right now. Who's lucky now? :)

Anyways, I'm going to pick a few of the more fun things we've won and blog those in detail over time, along with other adventures on which our family has embarked.

Wish me luck!

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation or Squeezing Blood from a Genetic Freak

I had my first appointment with a local doctor to get an assortment of blood tests ran per the request of McScreamy.   This would be the first time I had set foot inside a family doctor's office in years.   I get all the regular pokes and prods, but I'm constantly worried about needles.  The list of tests McScreamy wants ran is like a mile long so I imagine that my arm's going to be stuck somewhere around 9 bajillion times.

"You know, if you guys are out of needles, I really won't be upset," I reassure the nurse, trying not to give away my phobia of needles.  "I can always come back another time."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," she replies, and I swear I can see the bloodlust in her eyes.

The doctor comes in and she's really cool.  Like Fonzie cool.   She explains the tests in greater detail and without all the screaming.   There'll be regular blood screens, a cystic fibrosis screening, and some on depth looks at my generic code.  A cornucopia of tests, if you will.

"You know, you can have irregularities in your genes and still look normal," Fonz shares.  Finally, a medical opinion that I am normal looking-ish!

This test is to find if there's something deep down that might be messing with seed quality, if ya know what I mean.   Makes me feel like an X-Man whose power is producing freakishly unviable sperm.  Like Steve.

After giving up on them being out of needles, I man up and ask Dr. Fonz exactly how many times I'm going to end up getting poked with a needle.  She assures me that there'll only be the one sticking.

She leaves to send the nurse back and I'm a little relieved.  Once.  Whew!   I can do this!

Enter the nurse again, carrying two trays filled with vials of all different sizes like she just came from Willy Wonka's medical supply cabinet.

I eye her suspiciously as she says, "OK, if you can roll up your sleeve for me? We're going to be taking nine blood samples."

NINE?!  But Fonzarelli said....

Oh, yeah.  There's only one needle.  They just change out vials.

Well played, Fonz.  Well played.

So I stare at the door as if penguins are jumping through it and Nurse Bloodthirsty asks if I've eaten anything.

Nope.  Nothing.  Sweet!  I'm gonna be all woozy after this bloodletting!

Alas, all that blood and no hallucinations to show for it.   No cookie either, by the way.

Over the next few weeks, my results slowly trickle in.   Slightly high cholesterol ("cut down on red meat," the nurse says over the phone after I just finished a plate of barbecue), no cystic fibrosis, and just negative on my DNA stuff.  And no answers!

Song of the Week

This is Grown by The Seven Fields of Aphelion.  Her debut album, Periphery, is beautiful and perfect for the weather this week.  She plays in Black Moth Super Rainbow, but this is her solo debut, if I'm not mistaken.  I learned of this album from the fine folks at Good Records, where you should pick this one up.  I was too late to grab a white vinyl copy, but the CD is gorgegous.  Enjoy. 

  
Download now or listen on posterous

02_Grown.mp3 (13168 KB)

They're Here!! They're Here!!

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation or Squeezing Blood from a Genetic Freak

I had my first appointment with a local doctor to get an assortment of blood tests ran per the request of McScreamy.   This would be the first time I had set foot inside a family doctor's office in years.   I get all the regular pokes and prods, but I'm constantly worried about needles.  The list of tests McScreamy wants ran is like a mile long so I imagine that my arm's going to be stuck somewhere around 9 bajillion times.

"You know, if you guys are out of needles, I really won't be upset," I reassure the nurse, trying not to give away my phobia of needles.  "I can always come back another time."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," she replies, and I swear I can see the bloodlust in her eyes.

The doctor comes in and she's really cool.  Like Fonzie cool.   She explains the tests in greater detail and without all the screaming.   There'll be regular blood screens, a cystic fibrosis screening, and some on depth looks at my generic code.  A cornucopia of tests, if you will.

"You know, you can have irregularities in your genes and still look normal," Fonz shares.  Finally, a medical opinion that I am normal looking-ish!

This test is to find if there's something deep down that might be messing with seed quality, if ya know what I mean.   Makes me feel like an X-Man whose power is producing freakishly unviable sperm.  Like Steve.

After giving up on them being out of needles, I man up and ask Dr. Fonz exactly how many times I'm going to end up getting poked with a needle.  She assures me that there'll only be the one sticking.

She leaves to send the nurse back and I'm a little relieved.  Once.  Whew!   I can do this!

Enter the nurse again, carrying two trays filled with vials of all different sizes like she just came from Willy Wonka's medical supply cabinet.

I eye her suspiciously as she says, "OK, if you can roll up your sleeve for me? We're going to be taking nine blood samples."

NINE?!  But Fonzarelli said....

Oh, yeah.  There's only one needle.  They just change out vials.

Well played, Fonz.  Well played.

So I stare at the door as if penguins are jumping through it and Nurse Bloodthirsty asks if I've eaten anything.

Nope.  Nothing.  Sweet!  I'm gonna be all woozy after this bloodletting!

Alas, all that blood and no hallucinations to show for it.   No cookie either, by the way.

Over the next few weeks, my results slowly trickle in.   Slightly high cholesterol ("cut down on red meat," the nurse says over the phone after I just finished a plate of barbecue), no cystic fibrosis, and just negative on my DNA stuff.  And no answers!

My Belated Top Records in 2010

Ok, so this is a little late. And not in the format I originally set out to do. And most of you probably don't care. But none of that's going to stop me.

I always love reading favorite records of the year lists. They're a great way of discovering new artists and, let's be honest, I like to feel cool when something I like is on someone's list. Anyways, I thought that since I'm doing this whole blog thing an really trying to crank out more updates (really shooting for daily!) that I'd make my own top ten list of my favorite records of the year.

I had no idea how hard paring down to ten would be. I considered doing a few lists. I considered twenty. I considered abstaining from the records that seemed to be on all the lists. In the end, I just couldn't pare it down and time was still ticking. So I just went with a list of my fave records of this year with no limit. Maybe next year I'll allow myself more time and discipline myself to ten. Or twenty.

So, in no particular order:

Kanye West-My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Sufjan Stevens-The Age of Adz/All Delighted People
Jonsi-Go
The National-High Violet
Arcade Fire-The Suburbs
Deerhunter-Halcyon Digest
Beach House-Tenn Dream
Spoon-Transference
The Walkmen-Lisbon
Neil Young-Le Noise
Quasi-American Gong
Broken Bells-Broken Bells
Land of Talk-Cloak and Cipher
Sarah Jaffe-Suburban Nature
LCD Soundsystem-This Is Happening
Sharon Van Etten-Epic
Zoe Keating-Into the Trees
Titus Andronicus-The Monitor
Flying Lotus-Cosmogramma
Marnie Stern-Marnie Stern
Antony and the Johnsons-Swanlights
Sleigh Bells-Treats
Janelle Monae-The ArchAndroid
Erykah Badu-New Amerykah, Pt 2: Return of the Ankh
Brad Laner-Natural Selections
The Seven Fields of Aphelion-Periphery
Four Tet-There is Love in You
Joanna Newsom-Have One on Me
Wolf Parade-Expo 86
Surfer Blood-Astro Coast
Local Natives-Gorilla Manor
Jefre Cantu-Ledesma-Love is a Stream
Best Coast-Crazy for You
Buke and Gass-Riposte
Vampire Weekend-Contra
The Radio Dept-Clinging to a Scheme
Julian Lynch-Mare
Wild Nothing-Gemini
Delorean-Subiza
Tame Impala-Innerspeaker
The Roots-How I Got Over
Mumford & Sons-Sigh No More
Toro Y Moi-Causers of This
ceo-White Magic
John Legend & the Roots-Wake Up!
Big Boi-Sir Lucious Left Foot...The Son of Chico Dusty
The Amazing-Wait for a Light to Come
Gungor-Beautiful Things

Well, there ya go! A huge, ineffectual list! :) Please feel free to suggest more cause I'm always on the lookout for new stuff!

...Same as the Old Boss

"TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE TOLD ABOUT YOUR SEMEN SAMPLE!!!!," an accented voice bellows as the door to the office where my wife and I sit bursts open.

Our new doctor sits down at the table opposite us and places all of our records in between.   He has the analysis of my sample on top of the stack of papers.  We'll call him Dr. Bean McScreamy.

There are a couple of immediate differences between Dr. K and Dr. McScreamy.   The first thing we notice is his manner.   If Dr. K was a sunny day for a picnic in the park, Dr. McScreamy feels like Hurricane Katrina.

"Well," I begin to stammer, "I have a diminished number of motile sperm?"

"Zero," Dr. McScreamy says.   You have zero.   This makes things very difficult, if not impossible."

He starts to scrawl numbers on a piece of scratch paper.   He is writing levels of various hormones that are ideal for sperminess in men.   He then writes the levels that my blood samples show next to them for comparison.   And the weird part: all my numbers are within the brackets he gives. Hmmm...

But, at any rate, my sperm numbers are still alarmingly, strangely low. Low enough where Dr. McScreamy feels like he should keep us aware of what might hinder the IVF process.   I find it odd that Dr. K looked at these same numbers and gave us a 70 to 80 percent chance of success, but also a little reassuring.

We get thrown for a loop when he asks us to consider donor sperm. "It's just an option I want to put out there.   When I see numbers like these...," he trails off. "I just want to open that door and let you think about it."   We don't really need to think about it.   Not that it's a bad thing, but I think we both feel a definite negative on the topic.   After coming all this way, the last thing on our minds is the idea of using donated sperm.

"Well, I think we need to do a few more blood screens on you," he says, indicating me.  Great.  More needles.

"I would also like to get multiple samples frozen to see if we can find more motile sperm."   Wait-multiple?   He continues: "I'd like for you to go to this facility in the morning and make a deposit.   Then go downstairs.   Have a cup of coffee.   Go back up and make another deposit.   Then go to the mall and wander around a bit. Go back again and make another deposit."

I must've been looking at him like he was crazy because he tries to explain this by saying, "Just remember your college days, ok?"

Now, I'm not sure what he's heard about my college days, but it seems my reputation is highly exaggerated.  I must look like a stud to this guy.

Hey!   I can hear you laughing!

Anyway, he gives us all the information on the blood work and deposit facility.  He wants to do a sonogram on my wife which comes back great.  He also schedules an ultrasound for her as well, to get a complete picture of what he's working with.

Here's the second major difference between our two doctors.   McScreamy's office makes Dr. K's look like a set from the Flintstones.   Don't get me wrong. Dr. K had all the equipment he needed.   His labs and office were great and there was nothing wrong with it.   They fit his personality.   Older decor, older tools, tried and true and good as new.

McScreamy, however, has essentially tricked out his office.   The waiting area is fancy, there are widescreen HD monitors in the exam rooms, and music piped everywhere.

One office is quaint and comfortable and the other is a technological fertility Narnia.

By the time it's all over, we leave heavier than when we came in. We both thought the appointment was going to be a conversation, a glance over the medical information, and then an in-depth discussion of getting the IVF party started.   Dr. K was at that point and ready to go pending 15 grand.   Dr. McScreamy wants more tests and samples.   More data.   Which really is a good thing, just not what we wanted to hear.

So we get the ball rolling again.   And there's a definite bright side if you ask me: at least I didn't get sodomized again.